Not Knowing What To Say – Part 1

No Matter What, Your Dad Loves You

Kaitlyn and Skylar,

I have been silent for a couple of months.  Spring came and went.  Summer passed by, too.  Now, it is Fall.  Next, comes the holidays and Winter.  Before we know it, a year will have passed since we last spoke to each other.

Kaitlyn, turned 13 in October.  It pained me not to be able to call, text or write her a letter.  Next month, will be December.  Sky will turn 11 and it will pain me, again, not to be able to wish Sky a happy birthday.  Please know your dad wanted to wish each of you a happy birthday….

Your dad thinks about you, and wants to communicate with you, every day.  It hurts right down to my soul that I can not.

There are so many things I want to say and write to you.  I simply am at a loss for words on where and how to begin.  So, I have decided to break this post up into parts.

Put simply, things should not have turned out the way they have.

Your mom and I initially told you we would remain friends, you would still have your mom and dad in your lives and the only difference would be that your mom and dad would be divorced (with you living primarily with your mom).  Instead, for reasons outside my control, the two of you and me endured a custody battle during the divorce.

After more than a year, your mom and I got divorced; it was a no-fault divorce.  At this point, it was time for all of us to get on with our lives with the custody battle and its shenanigans in the rear view mirror.  Now, there was a custody agreement in place.

The custody agreement provided your mom was still your mom, your dad was still your dad, and your mom and your dad were to follow, and work together under, a parenting plan for the two of you.  This should have been a time of forgiveness, rebuilding, relief and some sort of reconciliation.  Things should have been amicable.  The custody agreement should have been followed.  However, we all know that the opposite happened, and the custody battle continued….  In fact, to this day, it has never ended.

Your dad was devastated by his powerlessness to do anything about the situation.  After more than three and a half years of trying to have our relationship respected and the custody agreement followed, your dad was exhausted.  Nothing worked to have the relationship we have on paper.  Taking the high road (and “letting it go”) did not work.  Trying to address things with your mom did not work either.  And, while resorting to lawyers and the courts ultimately got some of the truth to come out, things custody-wise only got worse.

I can only begin to imagine how this may have looked to each of you (and been portrayed to you).  Maybe someday when you are older, we will each be able to better understand just how hard it has been, and is, for each of us to have been kept from one another.

After all that has happened, my love for the two of you has not faltered and never will. I tried everything I could to have our relationship under the “new normal.”  But, the custody agreement, my calls, texts and other communications, the tears I shed, my prayers, my other efforts and my love for both of you was not enough to undo those working to ruin our relationship and remove me from your lives.

You have been made to choose to love one parent over the other parent.  At the same time, I have been faced with the choice of throwing my hands up, quitting and walking away from you, accepting the status quo (lack of any meaningful relationship with you), or trying to have the relationship with you the way it was intended to be in the divorce agreement.  As for me, walking away from you or accepting the demise of our relationship were not options.  So, out of my love for both of you, I tried to address the situation to no avail.

I couldn’t tell you what I was going on anymore than you could tell me; we were both manipulated and led to believe something other than the truth.

I love you, always.

Your Dad

2 thoughts on “Not Knowing What To Say – Part 1

  1. Dear Fatherhood Interrupted-

    I know, all too well, how you are feeling except I don’t have two children. I only had one stolen from me. December is also my daughter’s Indra’s 16th birthday. It pains me at the thought of me missing her sweet sixteen. Another experience was stolen by parental alienation. I missed the first day of high school, middle school, and the list goes on… as time passes. I keep praying, hoping that she realizes the truth. That I had to take the high road since the money ran out and the lawyer costs were too high.

    I just wanted you to know, I feel your pain and understand. Feel free to reach out if you ever need an ear and a shoulder.

    Indra’s dad –
    Alienated Dad.


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